Dear baby girl,
Today I watched you as you played in baby jail (your crib) and you were so content. I stood a few feet away not wanting to interrupt your play time and I had the biggest smile on my face. You were just baby-talking away and laughing…a little world all your own, so precious.
I didn’t have as long as I wanted to watch you giggling away to yourself, but it was long enough for my heart to break a little. Right now your little world probably seems euphoric. You have Mommy and Daddy who play with you and love you up and you are always happy. I dread the day you are introduced to the heartbreak of the real world.
someday you will learn things that your precious little mind probably won’t be able to comprehend. You will be taught about many tragedies including Columbine, 9/11, and Newtown Connecticut and you will ask me questions…I fear this hypothetical moment more than you could possibly imagine.
How will I tell you that I still remember exactly where I was and how I felt on those days? How do I tell you to not be afraid? How do I not protect you from such horror stories? How do I tell you about the innocent babies?
The truth is, baby girl, I will have to tell you the truth and for many reasons. I will tell you the truth because you will trust me…and I will help you through it. I will tell you the truth because those sweet babies deserve to be remembered and I will tell you the truth because unfortunately this is the truth.
This world is not perfect, I know you see that. I know that you can’t imagine how people could treat each other so terribly…I know you will feel disappointed in your world, in the people of the world. You will doubt, you will cry, you will be furious. You will lose peace of mind. It hurts my heart just thinking about it…but baby girl, NEVER LOSE HOPE.
In those terrible moments that test your faith please remember the good in people. Remember the random acts of kindness. Remember the people who stood up for the less fortunate. Remember those that died to protect another. Remember NOH8, remember the people who were not afraid to speak up for what is right regardless of the cost…
and if none of that calms your heavy heart, remember me. Find solace in knowing that no matter what the world threw at mommy…she NEVER lost hope! Do I feel helpless sometimes? Absolutely, but mommy is NEVER hopeless.
How can I be hopeless when God gave me you? You baby girl are hope! My sweet, talking to herself, shouting Dada, refusing to say Mama, beautiful, little hope!
I love you!
Baby girl is almost 1…it’s hard to believe how fast it has gone. I still remember our Baby Reveal party and how I felt the moment I found out she was a girl! Thanks to her daddy’s awesome video, I will NEVER forget :) It’s bittersweet though, my baby is becoming a big girl!
Hello Santa! Today baby girl met Santa for the first time and she was in love with all the jingle bells connected to him! I couldn’t pry her off his lap! Looks like someone just might love Christmas as much as her mama! YES!!!
You know those moments that put things into perspective? Things seems so out of whack, and then bam that moment happens and FINALLY some clarity! That moment was captured in this picture.
Life is not ideal right now. I do not have a job and the job hunt is much more exhausting than I could have ever imagined. My baby girl is popping out teeth left and right and she is in so much pain, breaks my heart. Slimmy has extra stress because, well I am ALWAYS around now and he rarely gets a break from his lady loves-and again I don’t have a job so I am sure that weighs on him as well.
This transition has been interesting, never easy, but always rewarding. Marriage is tough in itself, but a new marriage and a baby right away can make things so beyond chaotic. We are doing it though, and doing it well too!
Some days I am frustrated with my marriage. We are not always on the same page or in sync and the lack of sleep from being new parents has us pitted against each other at times.
Some days I am frustrated with myself. I want to be a better wife and mother, I don’t have it all figured out yet. It’s an awful place to want to do more for your family, but your too exhausted to put your thoughts into actions.
Some days being a mom is heartbreaking. When you are blessed with a kid who literally only cries when she is hungry or needs to be changed, when she cries because she is in pain-it is almost unbearable.
I think a lot, I worry more, I am fully aware of this, but every now and then one of those moments that I was talking about happens and suddenly you can let out a sigh of relief.
When my friend Rebeccah sent over this teaser shot from our family photo shoot, she probably had no idea she was also giving me peace of mind. Despite the fact that my world is in chaos, that shot of my beautiful daughter and husband stopped my whole world and forced me to be thankful.
Thankful that I get to see them smile everyday, thankful that both of their smiles are contagious, so no matter what I am smiling a lot as well. Thankful that me and Slimmy, regardless of issues, stay united as a team and committed to each other and talk often about adding to our family.
Thankful for the past, and the present and extremely hopeful for the future. We are not perfect by any means but imperfectly perfect looks good on us!
The Sound of your heartbeat is amazing! Still gives me goosebumps! I think soon we will be ready to create another little heartbeat!
This is how I told the world about you!